rain

I'm I love when it rains. Days it rains are the days everyone thinks of it as a perfect day to stay at home. Which is kind of how I feel everyday. I could be perfectly content in my home, alone everyday.

Thats how I used to feel everyday.

The other day I had a melt down. Sad that every time I go somewhere that I have a worry in the back of my head. And it sucks so much to constantly have that worry, but then I remember how far I have come and that I actually can go places again and do things again. The fact that I can actually leave my house is so much of an improvement its unbelievable. Its hard to think positive sometimes when things still aren't how normal I used to be but I just need to remember how far I have come.

Today its raining and its true I am half of me is content sitting at home but a part of me that hasn't happened in a while wants to go out and do adventurous things and live life like a crazy teenager. Because I know me though I will stay home and bake instead but I am so unbelievably happy that I even want to go out on an adventure

The other night I went to concert. In another freaking city two hours away with people who didn't even really know about my anxiety. My stomach hurt on and off the whole time and I was for sure holding back on being crazy and having fun which made me super upset. But I did it and overall it was fun and Im working on being positive so I am happy with that for now.

Sincerely,

Your anxious but optimistic blogger 

Pledge to help

The After just two posts I gave up writing blog posts. I could make excuses saying I was busy with school and college but in reality I had had more than plenty of spare time I could have taken to write. I have to admit I was a bit discouraged when only one of the two people I showed actually read my blog and neither of them were all that supportive of the idea. My boyfriend didn't have time to get around to reading it and the other guy told me I typed too casually and it didn't sound good. So very discouraged for the last month or so I didn't even know if I wanted to post anything or if it was wroth my time at all. But anyways I have had my ups and downs from being really sad to really happy lately. Now that I have graduated and its summer I have had so much time to think and worry more but also just do nothing and waste time and on tumblr tonight I stumbled upon http://bringchange2mind.org and this is honestly what lead me to type something again.

I remembered the struggle that other people have and that I am not alone and thought my love ones who are close to me don't truly understand there are people out there who do and even have it so much worse then me. Reading stories people wrote on the website made me realize why I ever wrote in the first place. To try to help people and myself. I asked my friends that know about my anxiety to pledge or at least to read about it to understand even more. Even though it was rare for me I tweeted the link out too because I really do think it is important subject people know about.  Not that any one on twitter would pat attention to anything like that if its not drama or do to with popular new stories, its worth putting out there.

I truly want the world to be informed about all mental illness because I can't even imagining trying to explain all the mental illness to people that are worse then anxiety. I feel anxiety is on the small scale of mental disorders and it made my life hard enough and seemed impossible to talk about and explain to other people. The more everyone talks about it the easier it will be for others to open up. Please Pledge or at least inform yourself because I guarantee someone you know has one but just can't open up about it yet.

Sincerely,

Your anxious but optimistic blogger