Relatable

When I  first started to struggle with anxiety it was the most alone I had ever felt. I had my friends support and family and they tried to help but they didn't understand. I could feel the frustration they had with me somedays, and I don't blame them at all, I was frustrated with myself as well. I just wanted to know there was someone else out there that felt the way I did. I wanted to know someone felt the frustration and pain I did. That even if it made me more upset, I need to hear other peoples words knowing I am not the only one.

So here are some pieces of writing that I found on the Internet. I take absolute no credit for at all for them because they are not mine. But for whoever did write them, Thank you.




"Fear"

There is something in me that controls my life. It is not an addiction to a substance or a goal I am in pursuit of.

This thing inside of me is what causes me to be who I am, but I cannot say that I am proud of that.

I do not know 100% where this came from, but it does not matter because it worsens everyday I try to figure it out and take a look back.

Some doctors give it a fancy name, but I simply like to call it fear. Not the typical fear like a scary movie or a ghost whispering a word into your ear. This fear, this fear is much different.

This fear that not everyone can hear, that not everyone can understand, that not everyone can come to the conclusion that there is something really out out there that this kid is afraid of.

This fear is called SAD, S.A.D., Social Anxiety Disorder. An acronym so perfectly written not because it makes me sad, but because it is sad that I am fearful of something that does not exist.

I wish I could be afraid of a horror film, I wish I could be afraid of heights, I wish i could be afraid of getting mugged in an alley on my way back from school that day, I wish...

Instead, I am afraid of that which does not exist.




"What anxiety feels like sometimes"

So you're just thinking
Having a normal thought
Then you start to have more thoughts
And they start to only be negative
And you are thinking faster
And faster and faster
And there’s more and more negativity
And you’re worried
You can’t stop worrying
And the bad, worrisome thoughts race faster and faster through your mind
Every possible bad situation goes through your mind
Over and over
Faster and faster
They get worse and worse until all of a sudden you get sick to your stomach
You feel like you’re going to throw up or maybe pass out
You start to feel pathetic that your thoughts make you physically sick
You want to cry
Now you feel even more pathetic
Now your chest hurts and you feel like you can’t breathe
You want to calm down but you feel so pathetic
You can’t slow your heartbeat
Now you’re taking rapid shallow breaths
Now its too late and you’re having a panic or anxiety attack 
You finally cry and cry and cry
Finally you can take deep breaths and feel like you’re getting oxygen again
Then the adrenaline starts to leave your body and you’re just worn out, exhausted, and feel even more pathetic because you couldn’t stop it
But you know you can’t think about that or it will happen again 
So you close your eyes and take slow deep breaths but you still feel sick and can’t wait for it to go away




 "Panic Attack"Cold to hot, hot to cold
Heart starts pounding faster and faster
I can't think, I can't speak
Breathing becomes harder
Gasping and wheezing, trying to catch a breath
Can;t get help when you can't talk
Cant take a deep breath when you can't breath
So I lay there, till I pass out
I slip into my dreams where I should be safe
But weverythigns worse when your trapped inside your own head

"Anxiety Attack 

At first it’s a distant thought

Then you start thinking “what if”

And now there’s no letting go

Here comes another panic attack

Now it starts to sting your eyes

To make your chest feel tight

You close your eyes and try to breath

But nothing is working right

Your heart’s now pounding in your ears

It’s bound to beat out your chest

Shaking begins without control

But damn you try your best

“It’s nothing to worry about”

But your head

It’s the enemy and they have no clue

How much you want to be dead

Hyperventilating subsides

Dizziness replaces

Now you sleep, begin to dream

Taken to far worse places

You are not alone
Sincerely,
Your anxious but optimist blogger..